hi xangans,

i know it's been a long time (almost a year, in fact), and a lot has happened since you last heard from me.  for one thing, i got fired from my job in late february and have been "funemployed" for the past seven months.  when i'm not job searching, i'm brainstorming ideas for a novel based on my experiences working as a special events planner in los angeles.  i know what you're thinking: as if the world needs another "devil wears prada" or "nanny diaries" about a whiny girl with a fabulous job who works for an overbearing boss.  but hey, if those "whiny" girls were able to get a book deal turned movie deal out of it, SIGN ME UP!

i've also started a new blog.  it was an idea that hatched up while reading an article about that hipster guy who wrote "stuff white people like."  so i decided to do something called "stuff single girls like."  i figure, hey, i'm perpetually THAT single girl, why not try to take advantage of it for once.

i encourage you all to support me in my endeavor: http://stuffsinglegirlslike.blogspot.com/

it contains all the snark you've been missing from me for the past 11 months.  enjoy!

in denial about being a grown up - part 2

signs you are turning into a grown-up (besides your girlfriends telling you they are getting married or having babies) include your friends turning 30.  glasses crush celebrated his dirty thirty by throwing himself a costume party (the week before halloween) and donated some of the bar proceeds to benefit breast cancer research (another sign you are in denial about being a grown-up include throwing yourself a 30th birthday party so you can "save boobs!").

in an effort to "save boobs," i decided it was appropriate to wear this:

yes, it is probably the most unflattering outfit i have ever had the privilege of wearing, not to mention there was the danger of camel toe lurking around for the duration of the night, but it went to a good cause -- a friend only turns 30 three times in his/her life, right?

in denial about being a "grown up" - part 1

a few weeks ago, my bff came into town to announce, in perez hilton's words, that she has gotten herself "sperminated."  as one of my first girlfriends to get married, it only makes sense that she be the first to become pregnant (i didn't move away from a trailer park town for nothing).

that same night, miss calculated and i did the only sensible thing for two twenty-something unmarried girls to do upon hearing that their best friend is having a baby: we turned to alcohol.

here we are with a couple of buddies at oktoberfest.

and yes, i am in costume.  never before have i been mobbed by so many people asking for my picture. 

it must have been the hearts.

introducing: the liquor distributor

as of late, i've been trying something new, to the effect where one might say i were on Good Behavior.  Good Behavior translates to me being dull and unremarkable, which unfortunately for you, kind reader, has caused a drought in blog updates.

i relapsed from Good Behavior the other weekend but i don't want to bore you with details of my meeting a stereotypical model/actor (not to be confused with an actor/model) in hollywood.  monologues about his career, agent and travails of being a model/actor (a 22-year old, non-college educated one at that) would have been unbearable had the champagne and cocktails run dry.  then all of a sudden i was Drunk, and making out with said model/actor in the daewoo his agent had purchased for him, turning down the cocaine that was offered to me in said daewoo, watching said cocaine being snorted, and then realizing my lips were turning numb when he continued to kiss me.  this was all after he showed me his favorite headshot, of course. 

seriously, i wish i could make this shit up, but i have totally digressed.  and now you are bored from the details that i claimed i would spare you.

back to the task at hand.

so i have been seeing a liquor distributor.  he is funny and charming, and has all the right connections.  he drives a new lexus, and is like, really into me. 

dating the investment banker was fun because no expense was spared, but i would have to say that dating a liquor distributor will do for second place.  just think: infinite champagne, trips to the wine country on the company's dime, and bottle service at every club!

wow.  i am a LUSH.

regardless, i don't think i'm that into him.  here's what's wrong with him: he's "husky" or "burly" or "heavier" or whatever euphemism you want to use.  as a result, he's a sweater.  and his teeth are not perfect.

next post will be: liquor distributor, the conclusion.

a morbid tale

my office shares the fifteenth floor with a law firm.  i usually exchange pleasantries or a cordial "hello" when i pass the lawyers in the hallway or by the elevator.  one man introduced himself to me as "bruce," and we struck up a conversation as my former car's name was bruce.

now i say "man" and not "guy" or "boy" because he is well into his 50s, if not early 60s.

one day, bruce asks me out to lunch and i turn him down, telling him i don't really eat lunch.  (now i don't really know what my "type" is, but i know it is not shrinking, balding 50-something year-old men.)  this is followed by awkward moments in the hallway and by the elevator.

today, my boss's business partner tells me that bruce died in his sleep over the weekend.

currently seeing dollar signs and having anna nicole smith thoughts... 

i am horrible.